How much are you worth?

It is 5:00AM. The hubby has been gone for half an hour now. He calls every morning to let me know when he arrives at work. He should call in another 10 – 15 minutes. I have anxiety issues and will worry myself ill if he doesn’t call. It’s not something I enjoy doing, flying into a panic, but it seems impossible to control without medication.  I am not presently on medication for my anxiety or my depression.

A moment ago I was reading an excerpt from a book titled Wives, Mistresses, and Matriarchs: Asian women today by Louise Williams. I was reading the chapter “Rich Bitch” that described a wealthy woman referred to by the pseudonym Daw Khin Ma who loved showing off her black Mercedes and her many jewels. The words from the passages read that struck a cord were “Shrewd, pretty, charming, manipulative” used in describing Daw Khin Ma.

I am now wondering if that is what makes all the difference? Could it be that I really don’t have any chance whatsoever of ever becoming a “rich bitch”, for the reason that I don’t have the necessary innate qualities? Could I already be right where I belong, earning less than a dollar per day. Am I already getting out of the effort I put in every day exactly what my efforts are worth? Am I shrewd? Probably not. Am I pretty? Not any more. Am I charming? Not in the least. Am I manipulative? Not in any way that hasn’t always come back to bite me. Am I a good entrepreneur? Clearly I am not. Where does that leave me?

I am not feeling very confident at the present moment.

Image: Glow by JoF via Flickr

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